Life in the IEP Tribe
Join us as we dive into the world of special education with two educators who have walked the same path as many of you. In addition to teaching in self-contained and collaborative settings, our hosts bring a unique perspective to the challenges and triumphs of raising a special needs child. From classroom strategies to heartfelt family moments, they offer practical advice, empathy, and a community of support. Discover how their personal experiences can shed light on your journey and gain valuable insights into navigating the complexities of special education both in and out of the classroom. Welcome to the tribe!
Life in the IEP Tribe
Fostering Memories Over Material Gifts
Picture this: It's ugly sweater day at school, and a well-meaning comment goes hilariously awry, serving as a gentle reminder of how we need to be thoughtful with our words. As we transition into the festive season, our latest episode tackles the unique challenges faced by parents and teachers of children with special needs, offering practical advice to create inclusive and personalized holiday celebrations. We discuss strategies for accommodating diverse preferences, like encouraging students to bring their favorite snacks, and reassure parents that it's perfectly okay if their child prefers skipping Santa for something more enjoyable.
A touching moment in a movie sparks memories of a child named Xander, leading to a heartfelt discussion on the bittersweet realization that some experiences may not fit the conventional mold. We explore the emotional journey of parenting children with special needs, emphasizing the importance of open conversations and finding comfort in the love and support of family. This episode invites listeners to reflect on how holiday traditions may evolve and how the genuine joy and excitement of children like Xander, especially for school and the support of dedicated teachers, bring light into challenging times.
Forget material gifts; it's the experiences that count! We wrap up this episode by sharing personal stories about the significance of creating memorable experiences that resonate with each child. With anecdotes like Xander's thrill at Wild Adventures, we explore how meaningful moments can outshine traditional gifts, urging parents and educators to focus on what truly brings joy to children. As we muse over the unpredictability of life, we draw parallels to Tom Brady's football strategy and encourage listeners to embrace what makes their children happy, ultimately fostering lasting memories that go beyond the fleeting allure of material possessions.
welcome to the next episode. Does that make sense? The next episode of the life in the IEP tribe podcast?
Speaker 1:sure we'll go with that. I think we're like on number six now, the newest, the freshest. No, we'll just say that we're now starting episode six of the Life in the IEP Tribe podcast. Nope, I'm not going to do it. Okay, so you guys can't see this, but I have this board that I use and it's got all this really cool like built-in stuff and I really want to push the buttons, but I don't know that it's necessarily the best use of our time and equipment. So how are you doing today?
Speaker 2:Laura, I'm doing all right. How are you doing?
Speaker 1:You know I'm pretty good. So we're recording this midweek and you know, oddly enough, it's been a long time since I have felt this awake at almost 530 in the evening, in the middle of the week. Usually we hit Wednesday and I'm already Friday, tired Right Like I'm whooped, but no feeling pretty good. It's been a good week with our kids. Our kids have been awesome. Of course, we can't talk about them as far as who they are and whatnot, but I will tell you this story though.
Speaker 1:So we were hanging out in my classroom and in our school that we work at, they do these theme days right, right For the holidays, and so some of these kids that we've had we've had them for multiple years, this isn't their first time with us and you know it's not.
Speaker 1:They're not new to the group or anything like that, so they're pretty familiar with all the paras and us. And so we had the ugly sweater day and one of our paras who I mean she's been in this game a long time and knows this particular student has known him for many years Well, I mean as many as he can be, because he's in elementary school. But she looks at the student and says, oh, student's name, I love your ugly sweater. A boy, his smile turned upside down and he's like, ah. And as soon as the parrot said, I thought to myself this probably wasn't the best use of words. I mean, as the parrot said, I thought to myself this probably wasn't the best use of words. And she had to rush over and console him because he was convinced that this teacher of his called him ugly.
Speaker 2:I heard that his lip poked out pretty far and started yeah, if he would have tried to walk.
Speaker 1:He would have tripped on it and, but he got over it pretty quick and and she felt bad and we all laughed. I mean it was really. I mean we didn't laugh at a crying kid, Probably so. Anyway, nobody got laughed at, Nobody got poked fun at, but it was a funny situation. Yes, and so as we move into this holiday season, you know we were chit chatting and there's some things that we think would be beneficial from the parent side of the IEP and as far as approaching holidays with our children that have special needs, and there's a lot that comes along with that. So my question for you, Laura, to get this thing kicked off, is what are some great ideas for the holidays?
Speaker 2:Okay, no pressure. I know you talked about from the parent side, but I think there is a couple of things like from teacher's side as well and as we know that our students with disabilities, they have different likes and dislikes than the norm and for teachers we found it difficult to figure, okay. So what do we do for some of these celebrations? You know what do we have? So we take the Grinch's, what is it called hubulation, and they have the roast beast and they have these cute Grinch flavored thing, you know, not flavored.
Speaker 1:Ew.
Speaker 2:That sounds horrible.
Speaker 1:I feel like I just licked an ashtray?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, anyway. So Grinch themed foods? Yes, yeah, anyway. So Grinch themed foods. And you start like putting green pudding in front of our children and that's not going to go over very well. Or you try to give them grapes and bananas and strawberries, although it might look like Grinch head with the Santa hat. They're not going to get it and be like no. So sometimes having parties is difficult this time of year for the teachers, and I know one thing that we've done in the past is, hey, just have your child bring in their favorite sweet or salty treat, because not all of them like sweets either, and you can't just have a pizza party. They don't all like pizza, and so or they don't like the brand of pizza that we got.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a thing, that is a thing.
Speaker 2:Or chicken nuggets. We can't just go and get you know a box of chicken nuggets and ask the kitchen to cook them for us, so that can bring some struggles. So what we've as teachers, what we've found works is asking parents for donations to do that. Or at the end of the school year, last year we had a breakfast, because all our kids like breakfast foods, it seems like, especially if they're carbs, and so having a breakfast party, and so you know, having a breakfast party, but that. So with that, I also want to stress to parents don't worry about the norms when it comes to buying for your child or doing the things that your friends are doing with their kids. And you know your kid might not want to go see Santa, and that's okay. That's okay Because really and I know, jared, you and I've had this conversation about Xander.
Speaker 2:You know well, we wish he could do this or we wish he would enjoy that, but he really doesn't care. He doesn't feel like he's missing out on anything. But he really doesn't care. He doesn't feel like he's missing out on anything when we might feel like he's missing out, he's living his best life and none the wiser of or maybe the wiser not caring. So I think that would be my first suggestion is just don't worry about what everybody else is doing, or try keeping up with what everybody else wants to do. If your kid has no interest in having an elf visit them every year, it might be terrifying for some kids. There's this thing in my house that keeps moving around every day and that's okay, I think. Just feel out what your kids want to do and make new traditions if you need to.
Speaker 1:So, teachers of special education classes, feel free just to reiterate, feel free to focus in on the things that your kids do enjoy, versus trying to get them to enjoy things that they may not, just because of their classes, do it. And then, as for parents, you know it's kind of tough. So just the other night we were, um, watching I guess we're a lot of you know we were watching a movie the other night and it was, uh, what was it? Called? Wonka, that's what it was, and if you haven't seen it, it's, it's pretty. I enjoyed it, you enjoy it. And uh, it's a story about willie wonka before he has his chocolate factory, and it was pretty cool. I guess the movie came out maybe a year or so ago. But while we're watching this movie, I I found myself like the young man that was playing willie wonka. I'm looking at him and I'm thinking to myself well, he looks familiar.
Speaker 1:I'm just watching and watching and then it hit me as we're watching this movie, I got to thinking, oh, oh, my goodness, he looks like Xander, like the hair and the face and everything. I mean he just looks like Xander. And then I so I guess we're going to have some real conversation for a second here. So then my mind starts to kind of kind of wander and I started thinking about Xander and and how you know, we're watching this movie and he's. He's never going to be a part of a musical production, he's not going to be any type of entertainer from a traditional standpoint right. There's a lot of the norms that we see around us that he's not going to get to participate in. And then for a moment it's kind of heartbreaking because you think about the things that you enjoy as a human being, you think about the things that you enjoyed as a kid, and to have the thought cross your mind that my child, that I would do anything for, is never going to experience some of these things.
Speaker 1:And this isn't me saying that if your kid has special needs or whatever, that they're doomed to a life of misery.
Speaker 1:That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying, though, is that, if we look at our child's situation realistically, based on evidence, based on normal progression of child growth, some of our students, some of our children, are not ever going to be average. They're not going to be what is considered normal, and one of the things I'm super thankful for is that we have this relationship where we can talk about these things and we can, you know, share with each other, and knowing full well that, again, xander's not a burden. We love him.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And that we're not saying we're giving up on anything that he may possibly accomplish in the future. But again, if we're going to tie it to evidence, there's a lot of things that he's not going to experience and it's really great to be able to have those conversations and to hear each other and then be reminded, like you said, I don't know that there's a part of his life that he dislikes. I mean, think about all the things that we go through in life and you know we grunt and groan every morning because we got to get out of bed and go to work, right, right, I mean, that's just, that's normal life. I don't care what you do. You can love what you do and still not feel like getting out of the bed and going. He doesn't have that.
Speaker 2:No, he is up. And sometimes, before his alarm goes off, he is up and ready to go. And he's sitting out here 20, 30 minutes before the bus gets here and smiling and giggling and all sorts of things. He's ready to go.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And so at 19,. As a high school, a 19-year-old high school student should not be this excited to go to school.
Speaker 1:No, but he does, he loves it and we have been fortunate that Xander's had great teachers over the course of his life. He's grown up in the same county and been in the same school system since he started. But it's hard, and so then we start to think about, we start to kind of feel sorry for ourselves and that's what it is at the end of the day. But that's okay. Find somebody you can talk to about. That right. There needs to be safe spaces and if you don't have a safe person, you can email us If you know us, you can call us If we work together.
Speaker 1:We can have the conversation face-to-face, but know that it's okay to experience those feelings and share them with somebody. It doesn't make you a bad parent. And so it reminds me. I'm going to share a story real quick and then I'll stop hogging all the airspace. I talk a lot, I really do. I mean sometimes anyway. So let's see, I don't remember exactly how many years ago it was, but Zander was little. He couldn't have been, I mean, maybe preschool age, maybe a little bit older. But Zander, when he was little, I mean his motor went 100 miles an hour nonstop from the time he opened his eyes in the morning till the time he closed them when he fell asleep. He just went, went, went and stopped. There was no speeding stopped, there was no speeding up, there was no slowing down.
Speaker 1:And my parents do this really cool thing to where they try to set up experiences for our family around the holidays. Instead of people just getting a bunch of gifts for each other, they'll try to find something that we can all do together. Bunch of gifts for each other, they'll try to find something that we can all do together, whether it's go, stay at a cabin or get an Airbnb somewhere that'll hold the family and really spend time together and have a great time. Well, this one particular year, my parents rented a cabin at a state park that's roughly about an hour and a half away from us two hours, sounds right, yeah, somewhere in that vicinity.
Speaker 1:And this particular Christmas it was myself and Brandon and then Xander. So it's me, xander and his older brother, brandon, and we went to go meet the family out at this cabin in the state park. We went to go meet the family out at this cabin in the state park and you know we get out there and like my brother's out there with his family and his kids and my sister's out there with her kid, and people were staying the night. So everybody's going to stay for a few days, but it wasn't going gonna work for us, like there's no way that brandon and xander and I and that's with my family, who has been nothing but supportive this time I mean, my goodness, we need to put some pictures out xander hanging out with his grandfather, who is his best friend, like, without a doubt.
Speaker 2:So so it's not even a gram that is gone here, there and everywhere with the kid.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:That makes sure that he's taken care of.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean, my family has been such a great support system. Yes, but there's no way we're staying there more than the course of that day, Because while some kids can just go play on the playground and their parents sit and watch or walks can be taken down by the river. You know, I have a son that is quick, as as quick as can be, and you know you turn your head and he's gone.
Speaker 2:That's no fear.
Speaker 1:Right, he's taken off and and so it got to where it's like I was spending more time corralling him than spending time with my family. And so I get back in the car and I'm making that drive home and can't help but think to myself you know, it's not that I, it's not a matter again of hating the situation, hating what's going on, but the idea that at that time that my son can't just go play on the playground with those other kids, and he has two cousins.
Speaker 2:That are born the same year that the two cousins played together and grew up together and Xander grew up up he's the same age and that, yeah, that there wasn't that connection there that was between the other two is hard and and so and we talk about that, that kind of stuff pretty often.
Speaker 1:Um, so if, by some chance, you're a parent of a child and you find yourself in these situations, number one, know that it normal. It's normal to have feelings like that. You love your kid, you want them to experience all the things that you can think of that you enjoyed experiencing. You want them to be able to have that same opportunity. So it's heartbreaking when there is sometimes reality presented that it's not going to happen, when there is sometimes reality presented that it's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:So it's okay to feel these feelings, but it's so important to talk to people about it, find somebody safe to talk with and know that it's okay to have these desires for your kid and sometimes these experiences that they had no interest in or could not participate in when they were young, where you would see the typical child participating in them.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, like a lot of other milestones that they have, it may just be delayed. Sanders still likes to go see Santa Claus, where when he was little he didn't have a whole lot to do with him, but he still likes him now. In fact, the high school has Santa come see his class, and so sometimes that, although you might not experience these things as a little when they're little, they might like them when they get a little bit older. So you might just have to delay these experiences and find the things that they do like. Xander loves to travel and Xander loves to look at Christmas lights and say you know, sometimes we'll just drive around and let's look at the lights or the trolley tours of the lights. That's one of the things that we like to do and that the whole family can do, but that he enjoys too. It may not be something you or I grow up doing, but now we've started this new tradition because it's something that he enjoys, that everyone can enjoy something that he enjoys, that everyone can enjoy.
Speaker 1:Well, and something that I want to add too is that so this particular state park and cabin that we went to, however many years ago, I'm going to go visit again this Christmas season. So it's going to be almost gosh, I don't know. Probably 14, 15 years, almost to the day, right and trust and believe that boy's going to be on that playground.
Speaker 2:Well, we've gone one other time. Since your first experience, this will be the second time that we've gone Yep, that's right and the second time he went and he had a good time. We spent the night. He slept in the room in the bunk beds with his best friend, paul.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So we were able to spend the night.
Speaker 1:And just to tie to what you're saying, though, is that all those things that at that point, I was like, oh, he's not going to experience this, he's not going to enjoy this? Well, he's enjoying the crap out of it now? Right, and that's okay, and that's a good thing, right? There are things that we would kind of challenge our fellow parents in this journey is really take some time to kind of figure out what is it that your kid jives with, and be cool with that, because I don't know how much money we've spent on toys and Trinkets yeah this and that You're like okay, well, the kids should like this.
Speaker 1:Just for him to smile and say thank you and put it down.
Speaker 2:Right, maybe that evening or the next day pick it up and look at it. But there's no sense in buying things just to buy things. And I know for Xander and this may not be for everybody, but for Xander Xander doesn't go and count how many presents that his brothers get, nope, and how many presents he gets, because I know keeping things even is kind of a big thing for a lot of families. And there's been times that Xander has had the same amount of presents as his siblings. And then there's also been times where, you know, we've spent a little bit more money on Xander because instead of buying him the toys and the items, we took them somewhere and so it was like a family gift, but it was really his gift.
Speaker 2:Like last year we went to Wild Adventures because the kid loves some roller coasters and he loves some Christmas. So if we could have, he could see all the Christmas trees. You ask him Santa, what do you want? What do you want for Christmas? A Christmas tree? You have a Christmas tree, a star? You have a Christmas tree, a star, you have a star. A present, a present, a red present. So he can't even, you know.
Speaker 1:He's just like whatever.
Speaker 2:He just likes the holiday, he loves watching the movies, he loves the experience of it and really doesn't, you know, isn't upset with what he does or does not end up with under that tree and even with that whole, the whole idea of experiences, I think it's really cool that you mentioned the lights.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's something that doesn't cost you know anything more than gas, like you and the kid or your family, you, you know, whatever, whatever that family dynamic is get in the vehicle and go look at some lights, and that you know that doesn't doesn't cost a thing in it, but it's an experience.
Speaker 1:It's. So what we have found is experiences make all the differences in the world, and and so, yeah, so we're like, we're like super jazzed to see what it is that, how he responds to, what he gets this time around, and we would love to hear any I don't know suggestions or ideas, or you know, what does your kid love to do? Maybe you're a teacher? What student that you might have with special needs?
Speaker 1:or an IEP, or you know whatever what do you find that they really jive with and they really connect with and really enjoy? Because, at the end of the day, I mean stuff, just stuff, fades away anyhow, right? I mean I don't know that I have anything from Christmas when I was a kid, right, I don't know that there's anything that was so magnificent. I held on to it, right, for my entire life.
Speaker 1:I'm sure I have Christmas ornaments Now you do because you will keep things and store, not like a hoarder, but you hang on to stuff. I tried that before and I forget where I put things. I remember one time it was a fun christmas story. So these kids always do these, the schools do these like santa shop where the kids can go buy stuff for their families, their siblings and their parents and all that. So we were living in pennsylvania at the time and my parents had given me money and and I went into this whole Santa shop and went shopping for whatever.
Speaker 1:And I remember specifically buying my brother, who's six years younger than me, a couple of Hot Wheels cars and so he had. He came into a room and I was trying to hide them until Christmas and so I he ended up finding them. I don't know how I found, if he saw me put them, where I put them or if he, I don't know but he ended up finding the Hot Wheels cars and I got so mad at him I'm like, all right, cool, you're not getting them. Of course I didn't know, but he ended up finding the Hot Wheels cars and I got so mad at him I'm like, all right, cool, you're not getting them. Of course I didn't mean it, because that's just mean. But I swear to you, I have no idea where I put those cars. Still to this day, I don't know where they are. I don't know where they went. He probably found them. Well, you know, know. Now you say that he probably did because he's a sneaky little cuss.
Speaker 2:Yes, he probably found him and went and played with him and hid himself yeah, that makes sense, but I did I.
Speaker 1:I felt pretty crappy about that, but I don't really remember why I told that story. Oh, we're talking about stuff and having things from.
Speaker 2:But yeah, presents and I mean presents are good and present kids love to open presents. We're not saying don't get, get your child presents, we're not saying that at all. But you know, give them those memories and those experiences too. If you have a child like ours that he just wants to go and do and I know we have a friend and coworker too that had said her son loves experiences and loves to be outside so a lot of their gifts are outside items. Even it doesn't get as frigid here as it does in other places and so they can use those outside toys a lot longer there. But even if it's cold, I know they'll take them outside to play.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, yeah, where we live, it's like it's winter for, like I don't know, a week and a half or something like that, but I'm not complaining. So, with that said, do you have anything else you want to add? Laura, let's do a recap. If you're a SPED teacher, know your students Like take the time to see what they like, and if they don't care, then don't put the time in Like it's okay to find the things they like and invest in that your time and whatever you want to invest in that, so that you can help them have an experience.
Speaker 2:Speaking. Yeah, I guess I do have something to add Speaking of that, like we did last year. Traditionally, you know, teachers get little. You know goodie bags and some different. You know candies and toys and over the years we found out that our students really don't care about those things. So last year we got a class present, we pulled our money and got them a trampoline for the class and instead of sending home goodie bags, we'll probably either sit at the bottom of their backpack or make their way into a donation box or bottom of a toy box.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you, xander comes home with stuff every Halloween and Christmas and like if we didn't eat it, right, it would be there the next Halloween or Christmas. He does not care. But luckily for him he's got a dad who will eat just about anything. So I help him with the candy when I can. So, okay, so one, find out what the kid's like. Invest in that. Watch the smiles. Number two if you are a parent, it is okay to one be kind of bummed if you realize that there's some things that your kid is not going to be able to experience right now. But know that if they're not interested in it now, they can't be disappointed, right, they're not going to sit there and be upset about something that they don't care about. So what do they care about? And so we talked about Xander, xander's experience. X xander, you can drive him around the block and he's all about it right, especially if you take him in a convertible with paul yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna.
Speaker 1:We might have to show that picture because that kid was all about that ride, going out getting some some soda pop with his, with his paul, but really do take the time to to enjoy whatever is there. So, football story, and then I'm probably going to be done, there's an application to it, I promise. So I I've been a football fan for as long as I can remember. I was raised a dolphin fan. Um, as I can remember, I was raised a Dolphin fan. Yes, it hurts, it's hard, but I am, and so I've been fortunate enough to follow the Dolphins during the Tom Brady era in New England. And that guy, golly, I'm pretty well convinced that he sold his soul to the devil, because nobody wins games like that.
Speaker 1:I mean it's ridiculous, but anyway. So Tom Brady retires, comes back, plays again, wins a Super Bowl and anyway, anyway, doesn't matter, he wins a bunch of Super Bowls. Can't stand the guy. That's not true. I don't even know him, but I'm going to go on with my story.
Speaker 2:You wish he was a dolphin.
Speaker 1:Every game I watched. I'd say I hate this guy. I wish he was a dolphin. But there was this interview and he was talking about how he was successful as a quarterback and his response was really cool. He said I took whatever the defense gave me and then if the big play was available, I'd take that. But I always took what they gave me. I never tried to force anything that wouldn't work. I never tried to force a play just because I wanted that play to happen. I looked at what was in front of me and I took what they gave me.
Speaker 1:So again, this is coming from a quarterback that's played in 10 Super Bowls 10, 9, and 1-7, which is ridiculous. Nobody does that. But that same concept can bring an awful lot of joy to our classrooms, to our families, and that is look at what you have right in front of you and take whatever is given. If little Jimmy just wants Hot Wheels, then get little Jimmy Hot Wheels. If little Jimmy don't care about Hot Wheels and he wants to just run around in the backyard, find something that he can run around the backyard with. If he doesn't care about running around the backyard and he just likes to go for a ride, just take him for a ride, and that can be a part of the gift, because what you're building is an experience that's just going to grow. You're building on these experiences over the course of life, and one of the great things about experiences is memories.
Speaker 2:Might be inside out, making those core memories.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep, same thing, and those are the things that are so incredibly important. So, recap, and then we're done.
Speaker 2:Recap the recap.
Speaker 1:Recap the recap If you're a teacher, go Curtis.
Speaker 2:Know your students, get to know them, learn them. If you're a teacher, go curtis. Know your students, get to know them.
Speaker 1:Learn them if you're a parent same thing.
Speaker 2:Just focus on what they, what they like, what they enjoy tom brady love them, you hate them. No, you hate them. But she was a dolphin, she was a dolphin.
Speaker 1:So, with that said, we're gonna wrap up this episode. Uh, thank you for hanging out with us. I want to say thank you to our one listener Mom, I love you, and that's it. We'll talk to you guys next time. Have a good day, oh, and a Merry Christmas, because I don't know if we're going to do this again before then. No, oh wait. No, we'll do it. Yeah, why was I? You know, what I don't know.
Speaker 2:We've got a couple more weeks right.
Speaker 1:We need to go ahead and bush stop.
Speaker 2:I think we've at least got two more episodes before. Yeah, all the festivities and company goings and things, meetings, word.