Life in the IEP Tribe
Join us as we dive into the world of special education with two educators who have walked the same path as many of you. In addition to teaching in self-contained and collaborative settings, our hosts bring a unique perspective to the challenges and triumphs of raising a special needs child. From classroom strategies to heartfelt family moments, they offer practical advice, empathy, and a community of support. Discover how their personal experiences can shed light on your journey and gain valuable insights into navigating the complexities of special education both in and out of the classroom. Welcome to the tribe!
Life in the IEP Tribe
Nurturing Growth in Traumatized Students
welcome back to the newest episode. I did it again. I don't know why I say welcome back, welcome back to hanging out, but you haven't been to this episode yet and you are now so welcome. Hello there, all right, maybe not, so we are continuing our discussions here on the unveiling. Nope, wrong one. Life in the IEP tribe Did you do that on purpose?
Speaker 2:No, I promise I didn't. I don't know.
Speaker 1:It just like slipped out of my face Trying to plug. No, no, I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to put any more stress on our listeners.
Speaker 1:All right to put any more stress on our listeners, all right, but what we are going to do today it's funny. I said we're not going to put any stress on our listeners, but today's topic of conversation is one that it's a pretty heavy topic. The reason it is is because of the impact that it has on those experiencing it, that it has on those experiencing it and, at the same time, I think sometimes that people kind of create or shape these experiences and not even realizing what they're doing. There's a strong possibility that there is an adult whether it's a parent, a teacher, whatever the case may be an individual that interacts with others, and specifically children in our conversation that are generating traumatic experiences and, like I said, they may not even know. They may not even know what they're doing is building on to this anxiety or fear that a child already possesses, and so one of the things that we found out through research is that there is a direct correlation.
Speaker 1:You can see the impact of traumatic experience on children with special needs, and now, whenever we talk about special needs, there's a long list. Whether it's whether it is a learning disability or a cognition right, some things aren't just acting in the typical manner, and then we have students that are more profound, and then we have students that are more profoundly disabled and things like that, but all of these children are open to the possibility of experiencing trauma. So one of the things that I've read talks about how these disabilities can kind of play into that right. Like if I'm a child that can't communicate clearly, I can't speak, I can't share my thoughts, my interactions with other people have a higher possibility of generating trauma in my life because, although I cannot express it in words, I feel trapped inside my own head, I can't let those around me know how I feel about specific experiences or things that are going on.
Speaker 1:And so, with all that said, we believe that it's a great opportunity to discuss the impact of trauma on these children, on special needs students, and kind of bring to the surface an understanding for teachers and parents alike or anybody that I mean works in the community, because what we're finding is that our special education, special needs community is just going to continue to grow. Special education, special needs community is just going to continue to grow. The numbers are increasing and we will come across more people that possess some sort of special needs. So it's important, as we kind of navigate through life, that we remember that our actions, our words. Remember that our actions, our words, our deeds impact those around us. We may not always see exactly how, so, laura.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:What do you got for us?
Speaker 2:What do I got? Okay, so I know we talked about this in our last episode. I think we covered the impact of trauma on children, trauma on behavior, talked a little bit about what trauma is these adverse childhood experiences, the gaps in teacher understanding or other adult understanding, whether it be, like you said, other caregivers or teachers or therapists, or whatever it may be. But, as you said, the identification of children with special needs is growing and so is these childhood experiences that are traumatic. And apparently that not apparently, from what I've read on it is that it's increasing every year, every year, and that by the time a child hits 16, about 66% of children will have at least one experience that could be traumatic, especially since COVID. And what I found through research is that more than 150,000 children in the United States lost a parent during COVID, and that is one of those traumatic experiences.
Speaker 1:That's a crazy number.
Speaker 2:It is. It's a lot, and we talked about how it's not always possible to undo the experience, that we can move on and it doesn't have as much of an impact. However, as you stated, sometimes we have these, the children that can't talk about their experiences, so therapies may be more difficult Sometimes if they can't let anybody know they've had these experiences and so nobody knows that something has happened to them, unless you know. It's evident, like the loss of a parent. But sometimes these children that face abuse and neglect can't come to school or can't go to therapies and tell people hey, this is what's going on in my life, and so it makes it harder for them to deal with their traumatic experiences. However, there are ways to help them if we know what's going on and, as with diagnosing children with disabilities, that early intervention is. Key is that if you can start working on these experiences and working on helping them come to terms with it and give them tools to use early, then that's the key to helping them identify it and intervene and give them treatments that help them.
Speaker 2:And unfortunately, as you talked about, our students with disabilities are more likely to have these experiences, these experiences. However, just because they have a traumatic experience doesn't always impact them to the point where they receive services. So sometimes having that IEP allows people to know, okay, there's more going on. But sometimes it's not enough to get them those services and have people have a document that they can read oh wow, this child lost a parent, or you know this, RIPs don't always talk about like home life, but sometimes they do.
Speaker 2:But there's not always a document that comes with the students that have experienced trauma to tell us how to work with them, of experienced trauma to tell us how to work with them. And so, historically, the way that children with trauma have been intervened with has been like a zero tolerance or blanket policies and no, we just don't do that. And that causes a lot more harm than it does Because, like you said, if we don't know what's going on with the student, if we just punish the behavior instead of trying to figure out the function of it and what they're trying to communicate, then it does more harm than good.
Speaker 1:One of the kind of slogans that we go by is that behavior is communication.
Speaker 1:So, whether or not a kid can necessarily tell us what's going on, there are indicators in behavior that there is something going on, and I think that one of the things that I think our generation came up thinking is that we want kids to behave, just to behave, and so what happens is we tend to punish the undesired behavior, but what we need to do and what we need to put at the forefront of our mind when dealing with not only children, but adults for that matter, is asking the question what is it that has caused this individual to believe that this is the best way to express themselves?
Speaker 1:Now, like we've already said, as far as kids go, I mean, there's a good chance they don't even know what they're expressing, and so, as parents, as teachers, as members of a community, we have a responsibility to look into the why behind what's going on, what might be causing that behavior, be willing to have those conversations, like in our case, and have those conversations with people that work in the school system with us, to have those conversations with principals, assistant principals, guidance counselors, so on and so forth, and to kind of get an idea of what can we look for. What is it that really takes the time to see, what is it that presents itself prior to the behavior? And so what are some things that we can do, what are some things that we'd look for, what are some? How, how do we, how do we try to connect with these children, whether I be a parent again or a teacher, whatever the case may be? How, how do I, what do I look for in when I'm trying to figure out how to support the, the student?
Speaker 2:Um, are you saying, like, what do we look for as far as what the children are presenting or in how to work with them?
Speaker 1:What would you like to talk about?
Speaker 2:Well, I believe the previous episode we covered what it can do to children, what things that they might present, the work with students that may be presenting behaviors due to these adverse childhood experiences, adverse childhood experiences and some of the things that in the classroom or in the therapy session or services that they can do is implement some strategies that are proactive and, instead of waiting for the behavior to happen, they can get strategies to help prevent the behavior.
Speaker 2:One key one is build a relationship with these students and get to know them.
Speaker 2:I think we've talked about that in other aspects.
Speaker 2:I mean that relationship building and getting to know them, and I know teachers have so much on their plate that that is difficult because they have a lot that says okay, you have to do this, do this, do this, do this and teach, teach, teach, test, test, test, assess, assess, assess.
Speaker 2:And so it makes it difficult when you have 20, 25, sometimes some places, 30 students to get to know each one, to have that time to each one, and but that is one of the best ways that you can help these students, that you can show them you're interested and when they trust you, they're more likely to. When they trust you, they're more likely to be able to express their needs or be able to talk about what they've gone through. If they're able to communicate when they know that you care, they're less likely to present these behaviors as well. Another positive tactic or strategy that they can use peer groupings. You take a student that is a positive role model and pair them up with one or two other peers in the classroom and I see a lot of that peer modeling that help students, show them these other students can show them.
Speaker 2:This is what we do. And then also choices. We found choices help a lot, especially in our classrooms, because a lot of times, students with disabilities and students that have these experiences they feel like they have no control over their lives and that everything is dictated for them, everything is chosen for them and they're told what to do and how to do it and when to do it. So if you offer them some choices not just whatever you want to do. Choices, however, offer choices that still gives the outcome that we want, however, but it gives them some of that control. Do you want to use the pencil or do you want to use a marker? Do you want to do this sheet first or that sheet first? You still want them to do the two sheets. However, you give them a choice of what order they do it in. Do you want to do this before or after recess? This has to be done. When is it going to be done?
Speaker 1:That kind of thing. When there's more positive teacher relationships to, you know, teacher-student relationships, you end up with positive outcomes. Because what we do know is that traumatic experiences can happen in a vast amount of ways. Right, there's, like I said before, there's some that is inflicted on others, that they don't even realize what they're doing to this other person. And then there's some people that are just evil and they do evil things.
Speaker 1:And so let's consider for a moment being a child whether it's kindergarten, third grade, seventh grade, whatever and like most of us, we can't necessarily control the things that are done to us. Right, we can, we can run from situations. We can fight back, we can. However, we can't control what somebody else does. All right.
Speaker 1:So now, if I'm a smaller person, if I'm a smaller child, and I am afraid I can't fight back, I can't, like there's nothing I can do to stop that. I, in my mind, I have to endure this and there's nothing I can do about it. Then, on top of that, I'm going to go out into society, in this case a school, and on top of not being able to control what people do to me, I don't even have a say in what I get to do so. I am enslaved to the decision-making of everybody else, and now we want you to behave Like how does that even make any sense? When we look at it that way? I mean, anybody that has half a brain would agree wow, that's horrible. I mean, you don't have to be a scholar or a rocket scientist to realize that that situation has somebody and that child may not be able to vocalize it, but they are stuck. They have no control.
Speaker 1:So by doing the things that you're talking about, well, now I do have some control in the things I should be able to control. Thank you for allowing me to do this instead of this, and I have these options and I have these choices, instead of just being told to sit down and be quiet or sit down and do your work, or whatever that may be. And so I think that's another place that we kind of run into some difficulty when it comes to being parents of special needs children, being teachers of special needs children, being administrators in a school that has special needs children, is how do we help them develop the skills that we know will be beneficial for them moving into the future, without being too heavy handed or being a pushover Like where is that line Right? You have to have a balance.
Speaker 1:So, because what we can't have is we can't have, especially with children, we can't have children that are just, you know, wheels off all the time and just leave them alone and be like, well, just be wheels off, right, because your life's a little bit harder than others, or you're dealing with these situations and I'm not making light of those.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But we're not helping when we say, well, just act it out Equally. We're not helping when we say, well, just act it out Equally. We're causing issues when we're trying to suppress the expression of the child Right.
Speaker 2:Like you said, there has to be a balance because I mean, we found, even with our children with special needs, regardless of trauma or not, if you know, we feel and of course we're going to empathize and sympathize with our students. However, if we don't try to work to correct it because we feel sorry for them, we're not doing them any good and say, well, you know, I feel bad because they've had this or they have this, so I'm going to try to make life easy on them. They're gonna grow up and not everybody's gonna have that same outlook on on them I.
Speaker 1:I was just looking at this. Uh, there's a a chapter in the palgrave encyclopedia of disability and it talks about how developmental trauma and disability, mental health, how they all kind of you'll see them run together because these children that have these disabilities are unfortunately at a higher risk of experiencing trauma and maltreatment because they don't always have an audible voice. Unfortunately, they end up around people that are very do-what-I-say-because-I-say-it and really not helping the child move towards what is best for them. I just had a conversation the other day, as a matter of fact, with somebody and talking about the importance of the volume of our voice and how that impacts students and how they're going to receive what we're saying.
Speaker 1:Because, naturally, when people are mad at us, they yell at us, right. Naturally, when people are mad at us, they yell at us, right. And what we don't want to teach our kids is that, well, you're in trouble because I'm mad at you, right, we don't Kids. Here's just a little side note If you discipline your kid because you're mad at them, that's abuse. Don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. If you're disciplining your child because you want to see them become a better member of society, well, you don't have to yell at them, right, because you don't want them to learn that just because you did something I don't like, I can yell at you. What you want them to learn is what it is that you want them to learn, right? I don't. I'm not going to yell at a kid for cussing in our classroom.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Because if I yell at him, what he's going to realize? Well, Mr Curtis is mad at me and because he's mad at me he can punish me, or he can not punish me. I don't do anything to them. That sounds horrible. I had this one student one time I was talking to and he was very mad at me. And we're just talking, I'm trying to get him to understand the importance of not losing his mind in the middle of a classroom, and he just started saying don't spank me, I'm like what? Like we have never had any type of relationship even close to that, but and that was just his way of expressing himself- yeah, that's I mean.
Speaker 2:When he's in trouble, that's what happens, and so that's what he figured. Well, I'm in trouble, I did something wrong. So, this is what's going to happen. Well, and once again, that kind of shows you how kids correlate people who have authority over them. So you know, it makes it difficult for them to differentiate what is OK and what's not OK, because obviously that child thought that you have authority over him. He's in trouble, that that's OK for you to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he made me mad, so the next step is and not saying that there's anything wrong with if that's how his parent you know, if that's how they discipline at home, that's up to them. But he figured you know, didn't, which is one of the reasons why our kids with disabilities do end up having these traumatic experiences, people taking advantage of them because they can't differentiate that you know what is okay, what's not okay, just like I said side note there yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1:The only problem with side notes is I forget where we were.
Speaker 2:Oh right, yeah, we get to going down the rabbit holes. Um, we're talking about that, how to help these children to to deal with these things, and um, and talking about schools and how to help them to deal with them and the behaviors, communication, and um, instead of just punishing the behavior, really need to figure out the the why of the behavior and try to determine what works best. And I think we've also talked about before what works for one child doesn't work for the other child. Um, you know, we have we have students that will work hard, hard, hard so they can get a desired object. We have students that will work hard, hard, hard so they can get a sticker or a gummy bear, and so, you know, part of that relationship building is learning what works with the student. And yes, it's difficult because, like we said, teachers are already overworked and have a lot on them and underprepared.
Speaker 1:We talked about that, you said in the opening, is that we have teachers that don't have the training that they need. So what do we do about that? So what do we do about that? Like, what do we do about that as teachers? What do you do about that as parents? What do we do about that as members of our society, of really providing a safe place where students that have experienced trauma can begin to heal?
Speaker 2:teachers, mentors, therapy providers, and helping us determine what behaviors are due to trauma responses and what behaviors are not, and how to support those students rather than punish them. And so it all starts with that learning where districts and schools you know if your district or your school offers a course on that, a public or a professional development? If it's, you know it's one of those you get to choose from. Take it and help to identify some of these behaviors that are not just a student that is mad and acting out, that there's more behind it, and learn some strategies to work with them. Like we talked about pairing students up and options, and that's really one of the ways. And also too and this is a hard one, you know that, as the adult that, for that time, is in charge, so to speak, of this child, we also have to do some self-reflection.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And you know like, look at our own social and emotional skills Mm-hmm, because we may be going through things too. We may have some, you know, responses that are due to some of the experiences we've had.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And so we have to take that look and say, okay, am I responding in this way because of something I've gone through and okay, why am I yelling? Why am I letting this get to me and that need for control in our life, what is that from? So that's probably one of the most difficult aspects of all of this is to figure out what our responses are and how to deal with it that that student do 20 multiplication facts when you know they know their multiplication facts.
Speaker 1:If they can show you with 10, does it need to be 20? If they? Can show you with 5, does it need to be 20?
Speaker 2:Right. So you know, pick, pick, choose, choose your battles, and we've also had that fair and equal conversation. We've also had that fair and equal conversation. If looking at a page of 20 multiplication facts spins this child out of control, is it that important? But you don't have to let everybody else in the class not do their work Right. You can take that paper and say, okay, fold it in half. Even if you can do that too, the way you present it, fold it in half, or fold it in quarters and have them flip it. So then it's not so overbearing. So those are some things I think, as the adult in these children's lives, that we need to focus on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the only thing that I would want to add to that is feel free to contact your board of education in your district, ask questions, you know, give ideas. One of the things that we've experienced in our district is that we've had the opportunity to sit down with the decision makers that are at the top of that pyramid, and they have not only listened to us but appreciate what we bring to the table, because it's all about the kids. How do we help the kids become? It's not just how do we get them to pass tests, but how do we get them to be, help them become members of society that want to make a difference, that want to care about others, that care about where they are, that care about their families. Right, we want to see the whole child become somebody that will support the community that they live in. And so, yeah, reach out, reach out to your district, make phone calls, shoot emails.
Speaker 2:Start with your guidance counselors and your school social workers. And hey, I have something going on in my classroom with this student.
Speaker 1:Maybe could you come observe, Because the counselors and social workers, they're trained to identify this, and as parents I mean parents call Right Like connect with as many people as you can, because it seems that when we, as human beings, work together, we get more things done.
Speaker 2:Right as parents. There's nothing wrong with taking your child to get some therapy, and even if they can't express what's going on and I don't know if we've talked about it before with Xander going on, and I don't know if we've talked about before with xander xander was going through an emotional time and he couldn't express to us what was going on, but he would have these emotions, flood of emotions, that would change by the second, and so we took him to play therapy and through that, his therapist was able to help us understand what was going on, because that's what he's trained to do. We're not right, we're parents, we're not, we weren't, we're not therapists, and and there's and there's, I know there's a stigma behind that there's nothing wrong with getting your child as much help as you oh, absolutely not, yeah um and so if your child is presenting these behaviors and you don't know why, contact a therapist and see and see if a child therapist, a play therapist, and hopefully they can give you some insight there.
Speaker 1:Well, I think we're going to wrap this one up All right. I feel like this conversation may continue in the future. We'll see.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:But hey, if you have any ideas and or subject matter that you would love to talk to us about or hear us talk about, or you know, whatever the case may be, some topics that are important in your life, please contact us at life, in the IEP tribe, at gmailcom. You can find us on the Facebooks, and that's pretty much where we spend most of our time. But, yeah, contact us, let us know what's up and we would love to hear from you and continue these conversations. So until next time, take care, bye.