Life in the IEP Tribe
Join us as we dive into the world of special education with two educators who have walked the same path as many of you. In addition to teaching in self-contained and collaborative settings, our hosts bring a unique perspective to the challenges and triumphs of raising a special needs child. From classroom strategies to heartfelt family moments, they offer practical advice, empathy, and a community of support. Discover how their personal experiences can shed light on your journey and gain valuable insights into navigating the complexities of special education both in and out of the classroom. Welcome to the tribe!
Life in the IEP Tribe
Balancing Acts: When the Parent of an Autistic Child Becomes an Educator
Ever wondered what it's like to walk in two pairs of shoes simultaneously? Meet Marlee Stevenson - first grade teacher by day, autism mom around the clock. Her journey with her nonverbal son Carson illuminates the powerful intersection of professional expertise and deeply personal experience.
Marlee takes us behind the scenes of a transformation that changed her family's life - the introduction of a communication device for Carson. "We had that same fear," she admits, addressing the common concern that technology might discourage verbal development. Instead, it "opened up so many doors" and dramatically reduced frustration levels. For parents considering this path, she shares a valuable insider tip: April offers significant discounts on communication apps like Proloquo2Go.
The conversation shifts to how parenting a child with autism has profoundly shaped Marlee's teaching approach. Her strategies - having backup plans, reading body language cues, providing clear step-by-step instructions - benefit all students but prove essential for neurodiverse learners. Her beach analogy brilliantly explains why inclusive environments matter: just as you can't truly understand the beach from descriptions alone, students need direct experience with diversity to develop empathy and understanding.
Perhaps most compelling is Marlee's candid discussion of self-care. "I told myself for years that I can't leave him," she reveals. "He was more important." Her journey to recognizing that "it's okay if I walk away" for short breaks offers permission many special needs parents desperately need. Whether it's 20 minutes alone in the backyard or a regular girls' night out, these moments of respite allow parents to return refreshed and better equipped to support their children.
The conversation concludes with practical classroom strategies for fostering acceptance, from children's books that teach inclusion to consistent communication between home and school. These approaches create environments where all students can thrive, regardless of neurological differences.
What might your classroom or home look like if you implemented even one of these strategies? How could clearer communication or intentional inclusion change a child's experience?
so hey, laura yes we are in the month of april yes, we are, and that means a couple things that are very, very, very exciting to me. Number one school year's almost over we're like right around the corner we're pushing through this last 33 days already for we made a paper chain today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, I should do that.
Speaker 1:And I'm ready. I'm ready for the summer, because you know what, this stuff gets kind of hard sometimes, and so we all need to rest. But the other super cool thing about April is that it is Autism Awareness Month.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so, of course, you know we've shared our story and talked about Xander over and over and over, and one of the things that anybody that is involved in the IEP tribe, anybody that is connected to a student with disabilities, knows that there is an entirely large, huge group of people that help it all happen. And it's not just a teacher, it's not just a parent, it's not just, you know, an aunt or an uncle. It does literally take an entire tribe of people to help our children with special needs to be all that they can and to progress to their highest possible potential. And so we have another great guest today. Yes, we do. I'm super excited about this one because, as a matter of fact, I think, well, I'm going to say our relationship but it was you and her just started as a teacher-parent relationship and then it's blossomed into something so much more. That's true. So, mrs Curtis, I'm going to let you go ahead and introduce our guest.
Speaker 2:Thank you, you're welcome, all right. So, like you said, this guest started out as a parent of one of my students, and she's still a parent of one of my students. However, it grew to a friendship and then she came to our school, and she's still a parent of one of my students. However, it grew to a friendship and then she came to our school and she was also a co-worker. She started as a para in the special education classroom and now she has decided to go back to school and she has finished that, congratulations and she's now a first grade teacher. So, like there's all sorts of that, we got all sorts of things bundled into one person. So this is Marlee Stevenson and we get the pleasure of teaching her son. Can I say his name? Is that okay? Absolutely, carson, and Carson is just a fantastic kid. I think he amazes us every day with what he does.
Speaker 1:I heard a story today that one of our parents was telling me after school that he was singing a song. It was what's the lady's name that does the videos I think it was Miss Molly and he was singing the song. It's a sight word song. Yeah, because she was telling one of the other pairs about him singing it and they were like what really she said watch this, put it on, and there he went.
Speaker 2:Marley, you want to give a little bit of background on why we might go. What Carson was singing that song.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely. As a matter of fact, I think I'm a little in shock, so I'm a little speechless. So Carson is completely nonverbal. The only word that he says is mama, which is the best Right but he has. Now I was going to ask was he singing it, was he humming it, or was he singing it on his device?
Speaker 2:No, it was more. He was vocalizing the sounds of the word he wasn't enunciating. Right yeah so he was more doing the humming.
Speaker 3:Which is super exciting because mimicking is a new thing, I feel like recently. So Carson is eight, he's going to be nine this year and he's massive, he's really tall. So when people meet him and they realize that he does not communicate except for on his device, and then you hear a story like that from his teacher, you just kind of drop your jaw and become speechless.
Speaker 1:Well, and I know that the years that we've spent with Carson kind of opened our eyes to the importance of communication devices and you know early on with. Xander. Our concern was well, if we give him a device, is he not going to try his best to try to speak? And we've seen with Carson just the huge difference it makes from him being able to communicate, not being able to communicate, to communicate.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And we've even found ourselves talking, of course, about Zander and other students too kind of questioning how far can they go if we get one of these devices in their hands, and so thank you for that.
Speaker 3:Oh, absolutely. I have seen a massive change just the past school year where he's really progressed, and I'm glad that we decided, because we also had that same fear and I think that's a fear that a lot of autistic parents have when communication's sort of lacking. Is that if we because I've heard that before and we had the same problem where if we give him the tablet, will that prevent him from wanting to talk to?
Speaker 3:us or eventually getting those words. But it has really opened up so many doors and we've been able to see how much he knows right and I'm not even sure that we really fully comprehend how much he understands or knows.
Speaker 3:But the fact that he uses it to communicate, um, has just kind of opened a lot of doors. Like, I can drop him off now at grandparents houses and I feel more confident that he can use his device to communicate with him if he needs to he, he knows his way around it, that is for sure, and I know his speech pathologist was talking about conjugating verbs and I mean it's just like what.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, he knows his way around it and it's been a fantastic tool for him and I think that, like you said, this year we've really seen him dive into it and really that his frustration levels have been so much lower this year because he can let us know what he wants. And I mean before he's good at pointing and signing to an extent, but, as with a lot of our students and children that we have with autism, there's also those fine motor delays. So signing was hard for Carson and so, yeah, that tablet has been.
Speaker 2:I think just changed his world, I think.
Speaker 3:The road was slow. I mean, I think you remember when we started PECS and we had the little binder and then we moved. We tried so many different apps and I just want to throw this out there because I don't know if a lot of people know, but we actually waited till April to get Proloquo2Go and it has honestly been the best.
Speaker 3:I think we went through five different apps all together five different speech and we wanted Proloquo2Go because his ABA therapy used it and it was really easy for Carson to maneuver and comprehend and it's very user-friendly. You can add and subtract and you can create files, and if you need the same tab here over here you can do that, but in the month of April they do discounts on it. It was half off when we got it initially in the month of April. So for anybody out there who's interested in the app, that would be.
Speaker 2:This is the perfect time to look and see what feel they're having right now because, it's pricey definitely, and I think there's a lot of them that are are actually running that sale this this month and some some maybe next month and, um, we actually have a flyer.
Speaker 1:So we'll go ahead and post one of those cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up.
Speaker 1:So now let's talk about Marley. Talk about Marley, we'll sit and talk about our kids all day long.
Speaker 2:So you've had, you know, like you said, carson's eight now. So in the last eight years you've had this experience, you know raising him. You know a child with autism experience, you know raising him. You know a child with autism and I know, like we've talked about before, they don't come with an instruction book. Our typical child children don't come with an instruction book, much less our children that are not typically developing and children with autism and autism being the spectrum, it is that you never know what you're going to get, kind of thing. And I know that you've done research and you know you've done a lot of things. And so how has that experience that you've had with Carson influenced your approach when you're teaching students with autism in your classroom and supporting students that are neurodiverse that are in your room students?
Speaker 3:that are neurodiverse, that are in your room. So I would just say, first and foremost, having a backup plan. Whenever I make a plan like we're going to walk from here to here, or a lesson plan, any plan, anything I'm going to do in my classroom, I just tell myself I'm planning for A, but I need B and C just in case. And with lesson planning, very specifically, I have to, like, if I print out a worksheet, I always have a backup. Maybe this worksheet, the directions, are too complicated or maybe this isn't complicated enough.
Speaker 3:So I think that, knowing with Carson, no matter what I do, I always need to prepare for that. What if, what if, what if this is fantastic, or what if this crash and burns. And I think that's also really built some patience in me and flexibility and has really and I bring that to the classroom when I'm working with all of my students, I just kind of see, I watch, engage, what they're doing and Carson, being non-verbal, has also really helped me with body cues and I don't need to I I find it really easy to tell when a student's not getting what I'm doing or when they're over exceeding, but they're just appeasing me as the teacher like, or when they're overexceeding, but they're just appeasing me as the teacher.
Speaker 2:So watching for those body cues has really kind of been a different approach. That I'm doing, what I'm supposed to be doing and they're getting it or not, has being able to read their body language and know these body cues helped prevent some emotional breakdowns with your students that are um neurotypical, neurodiverse.
Speaker 3:I would definitely say yes because I, because of knowing those, like having all this experience and all these years with Carson, and Carson is very um, you know. I mean because he's not going to verbally say you're making me mad or you're not giving me what I want. So he has cues of I'm about to get mad at you or I'm about to be upset, and I think that being able to read that on other people, or specifically students, it has really helped me just kind of know when to stop, like if I'm pushing too hard. It helps me see that, okay, I need to take a step back because they're getting frustrated and I don't want to get frustrated. And I think that that's also something that built in is that Carson kind of feeds off the room.
Speaker 3:And if I get mad at him because he's mad now, we're all mad and it's 10 times worse, whereas if I can just take a step back and I can be calm and collected, it ends faster or it's prevented altogether.
Speaker 2:Very good. Yeah, I think that we find that in our classrooms as well Is that if that room is starting to spin and if we join in on that, then it's not a good thing. Not a good thing. So those two strategies are fantastic. Are there any other specific strategies or accommodations that you have found that have been effective in working with the students? In working with the students, and you know, especially the ones with autism and help them to thrive not only academically but socially, because we know that tends to be hard for our students with autism.
Speaker 3:Very hard and I struggle. I still. We're almost the end of the year but, no, the social is hard in a classroom, especially with students who aren't around that outside of school or on a complete regular basis. But some things that I've found that have really helped build the social interaction and the academic in my class is pairing students with peers who are academically motivated and who also are kind. When I take my lower students or my neurodiverse students and I pair them with a higher student who wants to succeed and uses kind words and treats others kindly, I find that the rest of the students kind of feed off of that and they see, like look at how nice they're being to him or her and then it also kind of gives that neurodiverse student a drive to do the work when somebody is helping them that they like and respect and look up to like and respect and look up to.
Speaker 3:Some other strategies I use are kind of just lots of visual cues and very clear step-by-step. Here's what I want you to do, and I do that at home too. I want you to go pick up those shoes and then, once they're picked up, okay, now go put them on the shoe rack, like just very step-by, step by step, and here's what I want you to do um, or if, then statements I use those a lot in my classroom because I use them at home and taking that in there really helps them kind of see where where they're going. Why am I doing this?
Speaker 1:that makes sense like so. For most of my life, my dad's been a pastor, and one of the things that he said over and over and over was you can never over communicate. You can never, and so and that is the exact point that you're making is do everything you can to make it as crystal clear as possible. Let's go ahead and set up our kids for success and not try to throw speed bumps out there, but let them help them best understand what it is that we want them to understand.
Speaker 2:Right, and if they don't, like you said, you say the one thing, and if they don't understand it that way, okay. So how can I reword this for them to understand what I'm trying to get them to do? Talking about your pairing, you know, doing the peer pairing, that, of course, Jared and I are always inclusion, inclusion, inclusion, and that's our big thing. What do you feel are the benefits of having that inclusion, having our typical developing peers around our neurodiverse friends? What are the benefits that you have seen?
Speaker 3:So, oh, that makes me want to cry because I think about when Carson goes to resources with other classes and the social interaction he gets.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to think of how to describe it. You know, if you've never been to the beach right, you lived in the middle of the United States and you've never been to the beach before All you get is what people tell you. If I am constantly telling you that the beach is different and it's bad and there's sharks and a whale might eat you, you're not going to want to go and you're not going to want to deal with it. But if I take you to the beach and I show you that the beach can be good and but it's different right, You're used to mountains and now I take you and I'm showing you that it's good, I think that's probably the best way in this moment that I can describe it is that by creating inclusive classrooms, other students are getting to see that, just because the student's a little bit different, they're all still the same and they see those how the typical students act and what they're doing, and they they learn from that.
Speaker 3:I think it's kind of a two-way street that we all need to learn how to work together and really see that differences come in size, shape, you know, mental capabilities. There's, um sorry, Carson's back there waving, he just like popped out and I think he saw me talking to my phone, Distracted me.
Speaker 3:Um, I think that Carson's lucky to have a brother who can influence that at home too, but there are some kids who don't get that and they don't get that outside interaction. So in school might be the only place that they see other kids their own size, their own shape doing things and that leads them into seeing that, academically, if I do A, B happens. And the social skills I hate to say that social skills over academic skills is more important, but in some cases the social skills kind of influence the academic.
Speaker 2:Right, absolutely. The academic Right absolutely. And we know that all children will mimic other children and a lot of times that the classrooms that are not as inclusive have behaviors that are not necessarily wanted and so, like you said, so being in that general education classroom with their typically developing peers, they're more likely to pick up on those behaviors. And I think, the social aspect absolutely, because if they can't, if they don't know how to be in that setting, they're not going to be able to learn in that setting. So they have to be able to socially acclimate themselves to.
Speaker 2:You know, if you can't sit and listen, it's hard for you to learn what's going on. So a lot of times that's one thing that I think we focus on a lot is that the behavior, the behavior has to come and then they can be ready to learn. Because if you're trying to force them to do something and they're just wanting to be on the floor, it doesn't matter if they scribble, scribble and done and done. And that, I think, is one of the things that Carson has taught us also, that you know, just giving him this paper to scribble on, or, you know, try to get him to do if he's mad, it's not, he's just going to do whatever he needs to do to get it out of his face. Yeah, but if he sees, if he's in a room and he sees other people doing that, he's more likely to do what they're doing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's definitely more inclined to.
Speaker 1:And I think if, when you start to look in a general sense at society, who has the opportunity to make the biggest difference? The one who can function socially in different settings, or you know the valedictorian? I'm not discounting education, right, but people can still be a contributor to society if they're not in the top third of their class. We can still make a difference in the place that we live if we can learn how to interact with each other and support each other. That makes sense. I like that whole beach thing. That was good. I'm going to have to steal that one.
Speaker 3:I want to just say that's not in my notes, I just made it up. You just made it up right off the fly, even.
Speaker 2:So we talked before about balancing the parent and an educator and Jared and I same thing. However, Xander's a little older, so I think he's 20.
Speaker 1:He turned 20. We like officially, are teenager-less.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2:So, but I don't know if, when he was younger, I mean I think when I mean I was in the education system when he was younger, I was a para and, but it would have been difficult doing, I think, my job and then going home and, and you know, having that. So what challenges have you had in balancing the roles of being, you know, both the parent and an educator, when, and also when trying to, you know, advocate for Carson's needs in school, because not only are these people Carson's teachers but they're also your co-workers. So that's a double question there.
Speaker 3:So yeah, okay, so I'll start with the first part, I think, because I think the second part is going to be a little harder. I will say, in complete transparency, I really really struggled with it when I worked in special education, when I was in the special education room all day long and then I would pick Carson up and come home. I really struggled with being overstimulated myself, which then led to him being overstimulated Cause, like we said earlier, he really kind of feeds off the room and if, if I'm like no, or if I even like raise my voice the wrong octave, it really kind of makes the home life a lot harder. That has been easier since I've moved out of special education, even though I'm still working in education, but I really just take time for myself and I think, as a sped mom, as an autism mom, a lot of people kind of forget about that or they think they can't do that, and I'm here to say, yes, you can, absolutely.
Speaker 3:I told myself for years that I can't leave him. I can't, not that I don't deserve 20 minutes to myself, but he was more important and in my mind there was no fine line between that and some days it might just be. I come home, I get him settled, I unpack and then I go sit in my backyard for 20 minutes. You know, brandon, just today's his first day not on second shift, so I have been coming home by myself and being not only teacher at schools with 17 kids, but in my backyard, or sometimes I might go sit in the garage, like where they won't find me but that you can't do the bathroom because they'll find you in the bathroom if I can't go to the bathroom.
Speaker 3:Carson knows Carson can do the lock somehow. I don't know, he's a magician but when Brandon's not on second shift I really think that I try to do like a friend's night away. I usually do girls' night Every two weeks. I try to just leave my house without a child with me and it took me a long time to realize it was okay to do that. That. It was okay for me to leave him for the evening or to just hand him off to the other parent and I know it sounds bad because we're both the parent but I think that a lot of parents of autistic children realize that they usually pick one, realize that that the they usually pick one and I am Carson's one. He will walk right past dad for every little thing in this house and unless dad stops him, he is. It is always me, no matter what. So it took me a really long time to just be like it's, it's okay if I walk away. And then at school it's a lot easier, I think, for me to. There's 17 of them. They all interact with each other and it was easier for me to kind of set in place and walk into that environment and just remind myself that even at school when I get a lunch break or I get a planning period, it's okay for me to decompress. I don't have to go to the copy room every time I get a break. I can sit in my room and and kind of like think about things or just think about nothing, and that way when I get home I'm not so overwhelmed walking into my parent role home. I'm not so overwhelmed walking into my parent role.
Speaker 3:And then the second part of your question. Look, I tried to. I tried to type something out because I don't really think I've faced a lot of challenges needing to advocate for my child because and I'll say that I think it's because you guys have done so well doing that and you already kind of been there and done what I'm doing. So when we sit down to do IEPs or when I think about what Carson needs in school, there's not a whole lot where I'm like I can't say that because I'm a teacher and let's face it, even as a teacher I'm going to say it anyway.
Speaker 3:I'm just that kind of person and I'm already upfront and opinionated and very honest. I don't really shut that down between parent and teacher. But I haven't necessarily needed to do that. I don't feel like because we communicate really well, and that's something that I could throw out. There is I've seen other parents have challenges and communication is really key. Don't think that because they're the teacher, it's the end-all, be-all and what they say is it. As a parent, you have to make sure that it's fitting and you're communicating what you think you want, what you think your child needs and then being on the same page.
Speaker 3:So I think that that's what I would want if I had challenges, but I get to see you guys every single day, all day Right, and we've been communicating for so many years that I think we're all on the same page as far as Carson's capabilities and what where he's going to progress to where we think he should progress to great, what's up, I'm down.
Speaker 2:I mean and we've said this before we've been fortunate that we've had fantastic parents, and you included, and I think I remember the first time I had to tell you that he had a bloody nose, I was so worried. He like OK, so I was helping clean him and he fell off the toilet and then hit the bench and his nose got bloody. You're like, oh, ok. And so I think ever since that conversation I was like, ok, this is a parent that I can just go to and say, hey, listen. So and I know I've said so he threw himself down and I got his finger. You know what I mean? Yeah, so, but I mean that communication is because then we now we need to know what. So what works for you, because this isn't working for us. And so, absolutely that communication. Other than that communication, is there any advice that you'd give to parents and educators who are working to really try to create that learning and supportive learning environment for their children?
Speaker 3:I really think that just making kids aware that there are differences out there, I know at the beginning of the school year. So at home we are very open and honest with Hunter. I want to start there, because that's my shorter answer. At home, from day one, I mean, obviously the boys are only 12 months and a week apart, so Hunter already grew up with it. But even as he was growing challenges at home, you know, like why can he eat chicken nuggets for dinner and I have to eat what you just cooked? Or why does he get this and I get this? Or why are the rules different? We really made it a point to be clear as to why and that the expectations for them are different because of what Carson can and cannot do and what he can and cannot do, what Carson can and cannot do and what he can and cannot do, and that has really helped.
Speaker 3:And Hunter spreads that into our neighborhood. When kids come over to our house you can hear him repeating things that we have said to explain that Carson's different, and then bringing that into the classroom and what I think that teachers could do to foster a more inclusive environment and a more understanding environment. At the beginning of the school year there's a book called have you Filled a Bucket Today, which isn't necessarily about being different. It's about being kind and how, if you continuously treat somebody bad, their bucket's going to be empty and then they have nothing left to give themselves. And then if you say nice things and you're kind to them, you fill their bucket and then when they leave and they're all by themselves, they have a bucket full of good things to think about. So one I think is really kind of instilling kindness.
Speaker 3:And then the Big Umbrella is my favorite read aloud and I refer to it a lot throughout the year. So I read the beginning of the year and that really talks about we all fit under this umbrella together, no matter what we look like, who we are, how we think, and I continuously refer to these books throughout the year. I bring them up and the visual of the book talking about the book. Anytime that I notice maybe my classes starting to nitpick each other or anything like that, I'll be like, hey, what about these books over here? And I'll pull them back out and I put them on my board and I'm like let's talk about what these books meant again.
Speaker 3:And we do that repeatedly, like after break. So today I brought it back out and I was like, let's talk about your buckets. How was your bucket filled over spring break and how was it emptied? And we use that and we turn and talk and I think that really, really helps the students in my classroom see that. Okay. So maybe they don't like Lindy Sue that much, but if I'm being mean to her and I'm emptying her bucket, then she's not going to like herself and that really has helped with creating an inclusive environment in my classroom. That's fantastic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know and in this conversation we're going to wrap up here in just a minute, but there's been a couple of things that were, I mean, just stand out and were huge. And I would like to, just, as we round this out, emphasize first, parents, yes, make time for yourselves. You are going to be a better parent to your child when you make time for yourself, and I don't know how many times, how many conversations, um, that we've had, or experiences that we've had where there's this okay, well, if I have a son or a daughter with a special need, that means you know that's it for my life, that I'm just all about them from now till the day I pass and listen. If you want to love your kids properly, you've got to give yourself time, right? Because kind of like the bucket if you're not keeping your bucket full, you know how are you going to help them.
Speaker 1:And then the other one for teachers just, man, do everything you can to communicate as clear and simple as possible, not only to your students but to the parents. Right, let's make no assumptions. Go ahead and just lay it all out, and when you can do that, you can get to your desired end quicker, because nobody's playing any guessing games, right. So um any last thoughts, mrs curtis, mrs stevenson, I don't think so.
Speaker 2:just one thanks, marley, for coming and talking to us and um sharing your experiences and someone those things awesome that we get to this relationship has grown from just being Carson's mom to now we're colleagues and you know it's been fantastic and what's it been Four, Four years now that we've been with Carson.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think this is the fourth year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he's a remarkable young man and if anybody has met him, they know that.
Speaker 3:He definitely teaches me some really good life lessons. All right.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you again, marley, for hanging out with us, and we'll talk to you later.
Speaker 3:All right, see you tomorrow. All right, see you tomorrow.