Life in the IEP Tribe
Join us as we dive into the world of special education with two educators who have walked the same path as many of you. In addition to teaching in self-contained and collaborative settings, our hosts bring a unique perspective to the challenges and triumphs of raising a special needs child. From classroom strategies to heartfelt family moments, they offer practical advice, empathy, and a community of support. Discover how their personal experiences can shed light on your journey and gain valuable insights into navigating the complexities of special education both in and out of the classroom. Welcome to the tribe!
Life in the IEP Tribe
Navigating the Rising Tide of Disruptive Classroom Behaviors
Classroom behavior challenges have reached unprecedented levels, with more than 70% of teachers reporting increased disruptions post-pandemic. As educational professionals and parents navigate this complex landscape, we unpack the multifaceted impact these behaviors have on everyone involved in the classroom ecosystem.
Disruptive behaviors don't just affect the student exhibiting them – they create ripple effects throughout the entire learning environment. Teachers lose valuable instructional time, students miss learning opportunities, and the classroom community experiences a diminished sense of belonging and connection. For educators, these constant interruptions contribute to stress, burnout, and ultimately, the decision to leave the profession altogether.
Our conversation explores practical strategies for all stakeholders. For parents of children with behavioral challenges, we emphasize the power of parent-teacher partnerships and teaching children to process situations logically rather than emotionally. Rather than immediately defending your child, ask questions to understand what happened: "Walk me through this. How did we get here?" This approach helps children learn accountability while still feeling supported.
Teachers need to maintain consistent expectations while building positive relationships with both students and parents. Sharing successes (not just concerns) creates trust and cooperation. Meanwhile, parents of other students in the classroom can use these situations as opportunities to teach compassion, understanding differences, and developing empathy – life skills that extend far beyond academic learning.
The classroom represents a microcosm of the larger world, where children learn how to interact with others who have different needs, abilities, and responses. When we teach children to navigate these differences with grace and understanding, we're preparing them to become compassionate adults who can build meaningful connections across differences.
Want to join our conversation? Let us know if you'd be interested in a "Life in the IEP Tribe: Don't Be a Turd" shirt by messaging us on Facebook or emailing lifeintheiptribe@gmail.com. We'd love to hear your experiences and strategies for addressing classroom behavior challenges.
And just like that, we're recording episode number two of our second season and I am still just as excited as I was in the last recording, but I'm just tired right now, so my woohoos are are not going to be very, uh, loud and boisterous.
Speaker 2:I get it oh.
Speaker 1:Cardi, how you doing today.
Speaker 2:I'm doing all right that's good.
Speaker 1:so for those of you that don't know, I don't even know why I started that way, because that really doesn't matter we were talking and we thought, you know, it'd be a good idea to kind of pick up where we left off and do some chit-chatting and conversations about behavior. Behavior seems to be a pretty big deal, right, and it's easy for us. I think when we're in a classroom and we work with different students that have different behavioral expressions, that sometimes it's easy to feel like we live in our own little world that other people don't understand, right, because we're inside of our walls. I've known parents that have children with special needs that have said that there's a lot of times when things are getting crazy, that they feel alone. Student is exhibiting crazy behaviors. You almost feel. You almost feel, I don't know, like inadequate and lost because you don't know what to do to.
Speaker 1:I mean, I guess you could approach it one of two ways. Some people are how do I just fix this kid? And then others are like, okay, so there's something going on that they're trying to help us understand, and it can be very frustrating. Well, I've been reading a few things, because I do that on occasion, and what I have found is that behavior issues in the classroom are. They're not going anywhere. It's a continuing trend, unfortunately, training upwards and there's a lot that goes into that and a lot that shapes the behavior of students. But I was reading something just the other day, and actually I'm reading it right now because it's in front of me too, this report in 2023 said more than 70 percent of teachers report an increase in disruptive behavior.
Speaker 1:An increase in disruptive behavior 70, that's a lot, yes and and. So in in the report, they talk about different things to look at and different things to to focus on. And and, of course, wherever you in this story, it's going to play a big part into what it is that you're responding to. Right, if you're a teacher, you're going to deal with it a little bit different way than, say, a parent would, or maybe you know.
Speaker 2:Service provider Right.
Speaker 1:Right, Because we do know that there's different settings, and different settings are going to invoke different behaviors and there's going to be different ways to deal with them.
Speaker 1:In May of 2024, right, that was just last year that 80% of public school leaders reported that they agree or strongly agree with the statement that COVID-19 pandemic and its lingering effects continue to negatively impact the behavioral development of students at my school. When asked a slightly different question in May of 2022, 83% of public school leaders reported that they agree or strongly agree with this statement. The COVID-19 pandemic negatively impacted the behavioral development of students at my school, and so I'm pretty sure that anybody that just heard that is shaking their head going oh, yeah, yeah, I get that. And so then when you take that, mrs Curtis, and we pair it with the research that shows us that inappropriate or unwanted behavior oftentimes ties with students that have disabilities, that there's behavioral issues that tend to walk hand in hand with that, yet it's continuing to grow, and we know that our students with disabilities population continues to grow, so we've got to figure some things out.
Speaker 2:Sorry. Yes, we do need to figure something out Right now.
Speaker 1:What's the answer? What are?
Speaker 2:you going to figure out Figure it out, Curtis. Do the solution?
Speaker 1:Solution. So, with all that being said, where do we start?
Speaker 2:Well, we touched a little bit on the impact of disruptive behaviors in the learning environment. We know that it impacts the teacher and all the students, and not just the students that are. It impacts the children doing the behavior as well as the ones that are not doing the behaviors, and when the teacher has to stop to intervene, then it leads to lost instructional time and then, with that, lower academic achievement for the students in the classroom, for the students in the classroom, and then also yeah, the words aren't working very well this evening, so it impacts all the people in the room. And then also one of the things that you would we found that it also decreases a sense of belonging for all involved because it disrupts the environment and it disrupts what's going on.
Speaker 2:A student or multiple students in there that are causing disruptions and making it difficult for other students to learn, and it creates friction. And then the behaviors will also impact the teacher and it will make them more stressed out because they're dealing with the behavior and that we know we've discussed a little bit that their you know their timelines for instruction is gotten more intense, like, no, they need to learn this, learn this material, and they need to learn it within this time and so, but they have to stop it. It impacts their timeline and then they get behind and they feel stressed and they get burnt out and it can also impact the turnover rate. They're like never mind, I don't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1:So we've identified, and of course, there's more that play into it, but let's look at just three key pieces to this conversation. We have the teacher, we have the student that is exhibiting the behavior, and then we have the students who are observing the behavior and having it impact their education experience, impact their education experience. So of those three, there's only one person that has direct I'm going to use the word control because they are in that situation so they can control what they're doing that might be listening to this. There's three people. So let's talk a little bit about what we might want to share with the teacher, what we might want to share with the parent of the student that is struggling with inappropriate behavior. And then what do we say to the parent who, who has the student in that classroom, that the behavior issue isn't theirs, but they are going to.
Speaker 1:Uh, I experience the consequences of others actions because we see that a lot in life. Right, sometimes we do dumb things and we, you know we pay for that because you know you put your finger in the fire and it's going to get burned. Right, put your hand on the stove, it's going to get burned. That's a direct consequence of our actions. But then there's times, you know where, if I'm standing in front of an oven or a stovetop and somebody bumps me because they're horse playing and I don't see them and I stick my hand out to stop myself, I'm going to burn myself right, and so that's kind of the product of somebody else's choice.
Speaker 1:Regardless of how it comes to be, we all do take some ownership. And what do we do with that? Like, what can I do? What is my part in all of this? In making the best of the situation? So, said all of that, I come back around and say what is it that we would say first to the parent of the child that's exhibiting this behavior? What is it that we should challenge and encourage that parent to do in approaching this situation?
Speaker 2:I think one thing that comes to mind is and I think we touched on this a little bit last time too is that parent-teacher relationship and making that stronger. It's important for students to see that, okay, my parent and my teacher are a team and they both want the same thing out of me. Um, and you know, not not every time that you're not going to always get along with each other. However, for the sake of the student, uh, I would challenge teachers and and parents to try your best.
Speaker 2:And you know, children are children, don't want to get in trouble, and also they have a a different perspective. They say they see things from like we all do. They, you know, you see things from where you are. And, um, sometimes, what the children think happened, they go home and tell their parent that happened. It isn't exactly what happened, and so I'd also challenge parents to, before getting upset when their child comes home and says, my, you know, my teacher got onto me or I had time out or I lost something that I wanted and to just take a breath and ask the child to, okay, tell me what happened, Ask questions instead of jumping right up and calling the teacher and say, hey, this is what happened and to ask those questions this is what happened and to ask those questions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I, you know, I, we would never disagree with the idea of a parent um protecting their child, defending their child, but one of the best ways that you can defend your child is to help them to structure a worldview that allows for logic and walking through situations. Now, I know that in some situations, it's really easy for us to look at our I'm going to say our kid because now I'm talking from the parent side and to say, well, they have this, they have this learning disability, or they have this exceptionality, or they have whatever. They don't quite understand X, y and Z, and there is truth to that. Nobody's suggesting that, say, a child that has a traumatic brain injury is going to be expected to process things in the same way as somebody that is like a neurotypical person.
Speaker 1:But it's important to not sell your kids short either, and so take every moment to teach them, to help them get past, because one of the things that we do as human beings is we get lost in emotion, and this is me again, from experience. It's one thing to know what's right to do, but it's another thing to do it when you're mad, and that's hard, that is hard. That's hard. And so then you end up like apologizing for a bunch of stuff. And if you haven't noticed, yes, I have a list of those too. And if you haven't noticed, yes, I have a list of those too. But we got to teach our kids to walk through things and to take ownership, okay.
Speaker 1:This reminds me of a story you once told me about something on a bus with Brandon. I'm probably not going to win any like parent points for this one, but so one day Brandon was, he was in elementary school and he came in off the bus and he had this big red mark on the side of his face and I said what happened? He said this kid punched me and I said no, I didn't. I didn't respond with well, did you hit him back? Which is typically our thing, right? I said okay. Well, why, like? Why did he punch you in the face? Because typically not always, but typically people don't just walk up and punch you in the mouth, right, for no reason.
Speaker 1:Just say, I'm walking down the aisle at Walmart and while I'm looking at the Fruity Pebbles, somebody just bam right in the mouth. Doesn't happen often, right? So I asked him and he said I don't know. I said well, that seems kind of strange to me. Why don't you walk me through the process? He says well, I stepped on this kid's backpack by accident and he said hey, don't step on my backpack, oh, and then he punched you in the mouth, no, well, what happened?
Speaker 1:Well, I stepped on it again On purpose, yes. And then he punched you in the mouth, yes. So don't step on his backpack. Am I gonna get mad because my kid got punched in the mouth for being a turd?
Speaker 2:no, he's being a turd right, but you asked, okay, so what happened? Instead of flying to the school and demanding to talk to this kid's parent because let's watch the video the bus video they punched your kid in the mouth. Yeah you, you ask those questions. Well, walk me. Walk me through this. And how do we get there?
Speaker 1:well, and that's not to, and that's not necessarily going to guarantee that you're always going to get where you want to. However, you start this, I'm going to use the word training.
Speaker 1:I hate using that in this situation, but you're starting this process where you're teaching your kid to process through what's going on and again that's not saying that you just check your kids to the wolves and they're always wrong or anything like that, but it's always important to find ownership. Ownership's a big deal in every situation, and so start teaching your kid that. So if you're the parent that has the behavior issues, has a child with behavior issues, start walking them through the understanding, because I tell you what you know I've been in the school system, working in special education, for almost a decade.
Speaker 1:I worked with families through our church for almost a decade and I've had the opportunity to see and work with a lot of kids, a lot of different backgrounds and so on and so forth, and then they don't understand why there are negative consequences for that, not because they're incapable of understanding, but because parents didn't take the time to walk them through that, to identify those things. So instead you have these kids that are growing up that they can't understand why they're getting in trouble outside of the house when it's like they didn't do, from their perspective, anything wrong, and so there's that. So we have that for the parent who and ask for help that's another thing I threw out. There, too, is it's okay to ask for help? And that's another thing I threw out. There, too, is it's okay to ask for help?
Speaker 1:Nobody's got this thing figured out. You know you'll sit in meetings with people who you know your kid better than anybody else, like you're gonna know their likes, their dislikes, you know those types of things. You got people sitting on the other side of the table that have committed their lives to research and studying the different things that your child is dealing with at the same time. So why not pull that together instead of me versus you? Right, and the way we do that is we ask for help. We do that. Teachers ask for help, parents ask for help. So now let's move on to the teacher side.
Speaker 2:Mrs Curtis, if I'm a teacher and I have these behaviors happening in my classroom.
Speaker 1:I just want these kids to learn. That's like that's my whole thing. I don't know that there's's anybody. I don't know that I've met a teacher, and I've met some great teachers that love math, but they love watching kids learn math like they love watching that light bulb. Come on, um. I don't know that that I've met any reading teachers. That's just.
Speaker 1:I just love reading and they may, but that's not why they're teachers All right, because they love to see the light bulb go off in that little kid's face or middle school or whatever as they're walking them through these subjects, and there's an excitement in seeing again those light bulbs going off and they're learning something new. So what do we say to that teacher who's in a classroom, who is I don't know? I mean, they may be even on the verge of a nervous breakdown because they can't do what it is they feel they are in that position to do because of this one particular child.
Speaker 2:Well as with the parent, the teacher. I would recommend the teacher reaches out to the parent and have that communication. And one thing that is, I think, important to remember and I had to learn this too is when you're communicating with the parent, don't always call them or message them or write in little Johnny's notebook all the bad things. Let the parent know when they have had a great day or a great morning. Maybe it wasn't a whole great day, but hey, listen, the afternoon was tough. However, this morning he made some really good choices. So that communication and also knowing that you see their child can make good choices as well.
Speaker 2:So do focus on that positive and then also communicate when you're having struggles. And I think that it will come through to the parents better. If every time they're seeing an email from you or a dojo or a message that they know you're going to complain about their kid, that's not going to help that relationship. And once again, we talked about that parent-teacher relationship is probably the most important part to help these behaviors. And then consistency being consistent when you, if you allowed it today but don't allow it tomorrow, and then the next day you allow it again, the child won't understand. They need to know what is allowed and what is not allowed.
Speaker 1:As an adult, I don't understand that Right. And what is not allowed. As an adult, I don't understand that Right. If I go to work and I walk in one day and I follow these set of procedures and I mean, maybe nobody says I'm doing great, but if they don't tell me I'm doing it wrong, I'll probably continue to do it.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Right, so I'll come in the next day and do it, and then I have that person, or I have that supervisor come after me and chew me up and down because I did it this way. Well, it's really confusing, because I just did it like that yesterday and it was fine, right.
Speaker 2:So being consistent and knowing your expectations and your rules. I had something I was going to say, but then I forgot.
Speaker 1:It's my fault, isn't it? Well, you know, in talking to, like I said, I've met whose children have behavior issues. They know it. They know their kid has behavior issues. Now they want to stand up for their child, they want to defend their child, and so when a teacher is constantly coming at them complaining about their kid, I mean their natural instinct is to defend their kid.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So what I would like to add to this conversation and it's something that, interestingly enough, that my dad has used for years in like marriage counseling and he'll ask this question, and if people are honest with themselves first time around hearing this question, you'll think to yourself oh yeah, probably not. So here's what he asks. He'll say can you honestly look at the relationship and say that you've done everything that you can, everything you can control, to make the relationship work? So now let's take that and put it into the educational system. I am not questioning the heart of a teacher. I'm not questioning the drive of a teacher. I'm not questioning the drive of a teacher. I'm not questioning the passion of a teacher.
Speaker 1:But what I will ask is this in that relationship with the parent, have you done everything you possibly can to make the relationship work? Because, again, what we were talking about with the parent of the child, that's exhibiting these behaviors that are inconducive to a successful classroom. The teacher needs to take that too. Am I doing everything I can to possibly foster a relationship that leads, not fix the kid? That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying can you go down a checklist and say, well, I did this, I did this. I did this because I'm trying to get them to just sit in their seat. No, the relationship that you are forming with the child and the parent are you doing everything you can to and I'm just stressing the same thing you said earlier to keep that communication open, be a team to work together?
Speaker 1:So that's the teacher, the parent of the rambunctious one. What can we share with parents of students that have to share that space, which oftentimes even presents itself in a manner of what do we tell our kids? So if I have a student in my class that's having a meltdown, I don't know why. You don't know why Little Jimmy over there doesn't know why Little Janie over there doesn't know why? As parents of little Jimmy and little Janie, or whoever I said, what can we share with those parents that they might share with their kids who observe those situations in the classroom?
Speaker 2:I would start with having those parents talk to their children about everybody's different. Everybody has different needs, everybody learns different, everybody has different responses, especially to different sensory inputs. A lot of times that our students with disabilities that are in the general education classroom you know talking about these meltdowns, but you know, and that's usually they're due to some sort of sensory either deficit or need or overstimulated, and look for books to read with your child about students being different, and I know that it's hard because you want to say, well, my kid's not learning and you know this kid's taking the time and help them foster some grace, because a lot of times these students aren't. They don't want to disrupt the class. Now, some do, some that's what they want to do. However, if you're having students with disabilities and they're having struggles with the behavior due to sensory problems, then it's not something that's under their control, and so that's where I would start is.
Speaker 1:So our responsibility inside of the school room is reading, writing, arithmetic.
Speaker 1:These are the things that we're expected to teach, but it's important to remember that inside those classrooms are snapshots, right A microcosm of the world outside, and if we can teach our children to be compassionate in the classroom, they will become adults that are compassionate in the world.
Speaker 1:And one of the areas that we struggle with as human beings is that we live in our head and we see the world happen around us. Now I was that weird kid that would you know, sit on a bench and you see people drive by in the car and I'm like I wonder what they're thinking. Like I'm sitting here on this bench and I see all these people around me. I wonder if anybody else is just sitting in their car on a bench and feeling the same way, like I'm stuck inside of my body, seeing the whole world around me, and we all operate that way. We all operate that way, and the way we see all of that is shaped primarily by the experiences that we have, the interactions that we have, and so, of course, we need our parents and our grandparents and our teachers and our preachers and the people in the community to help us take those experiences and shape the perspective properly, because you know, if I burn my hand on the stove, my instinct might be to say the stove is bad.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right, and so we need help shaping all of that. Said, all that to say. When we look at the classroom, and no matter what part of that picture you are emphasizing, compassion is huge. If little Jimmy doesn't quite get how to find the volume of a rectangular sphere nope not sphere prism, prism.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Yep, I'm tired. Square ball, right. It's like how does that even? I mean I know they call, like a wrestling ring, the squared circle. But but yeah, if they don't get that today, but they get how to care about somebody else in their classroom, to me that's a win. And that's where it all starts. So, mrs Curtis, you got anything else you want to add to this?
Speaker 2:I don't think so.
Speaker 1:Bottom line don't be a turd. No matter where you are in the picture, don't be a turd. I'm more going to get a shirt made that says life in the IEP tribe don't be a turd. Let me know if you would buy that shirt or bumper sticker.
Speaker 2:Or a turn.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's another story for another day. So, yeah, and if you would be interested in it, let us know. You can tell us on Facebook, you can message us, you can shoot us an email at lifeintheeptribe at gmailcom and we'll talk some more about it, but until next time. Mrs Curtis, do you have any closing words, or did I do them all? I?
Speaker 2:think you may have done them all.
Speaker 1:I've done all the closing words, so we'll see you next week. Say bye, bye.